


how to get smote: 101

by ineffablemercury



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: BAMF Aziraphale (Good Omens), BAMF Crowley (Good Omens), Established Relationship, Kidnapping, M/M, POV Outsider, Protectiveness, Summoning Circles, basically two prats ruining date night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 09:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18601525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineffablemercury/pseuds/ineffablemercury
Summary: He'd made the mistake of kidnapping an angel. And not justanyangel, no, but one who apparently had ademonon its side.Dammit.





	how to get smote: 101

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maone/gifts), [FriendlyNeighborhoodFangirls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendlyNeighborhoodFangirls/gifts).



> for Maone, because i remember you mentioning how upset the 'lack of aziraphale-centric content' makes you in one of your fics, and i just had to write this for you! i hope you like it! <3
> 
>  **warning!** i started writing this a while after regaining consciousness from a blood test (i.e, i was sick and tired and thoroughly drained), so _major_ apologies if its rubbish.

“Has it said anything yet?” Isaac asked.

Aaron looked up briefly, hands stilling from paring a hangnail with his knife. “Nah, just glared a lot.” Then, he wrinkled his nose. "Kinda like... like a _librarian_ , or somethin'."

Isaac shrugged. He pulled up a chair, turned it around, and straddled it. “Startin' to wonder if we had to bother with all this shit.” He waved a hand at the room, the ancient markings on the floor, the walls. The ones it had taken them _ages_ to paint.

“Rob said not to take any chances. I’ve heard the stories about these things, and I'd like to keep my eyes in my head, thanks.” Aaron pondered Isaac's nonchalance. The guy was too cocky, and cocky usually equalled _dead_ in their line of work. Aaron didn’t expect to run into him again after tonight, though, so _honestly?_ Not his problem.

“You scared'a the itty bitty angel?” Isaac laughed. “ _C'mon_ , man – he looks like my old English professor, but _gayer_. And _British_."

Aaron started as he heard Isaac's chair scraping across the ground. The other man had shoved it aside and was strolling up to the magic circle that covered a good third of the floor.

“I wouldn’t,” he warned, but didn’t expect Isaac to listen.

“Nah, we don’t hafta worry 'bout this guy. I’m not even sure he _is_ an angel. Do you see any wings? A halo? Do you feel like you should drop t'your knees and confess, or somethin'? Maybe Rob got the spell wrong. Maybe this _is_ just a random guy.”

Aaron sheathed his knife and moved a little closer to Isaac. If he did something stupid, it could affect him, too, and he wanted to survive this job long enough to collect his money and actually _spend_ it. “You’re a fuckin' idiot. The guy just- just popped up outta _thin air_ after the spell, and you think there ain't something special 'bout him?”

He didn’t expect Isaac to understand. He had shit for brains, and the worst instincts Aaron had ever seen. As for himself, he’d known the minute he laid eyes on the guy just what he was. Sure, he’d been told in advance – they would never have been able to pull this off without a lot of forward preparation – but even if he’d just been given a target and told to fetch, there was no hiding the nature of the being standing in front of him. The presence of the creature in the circle made him feel like lightning was flashing through the room, brought a tingle just the right side of discomfort to his body, and made him feel like this was something that they _definitely_ should not be doing.

But he had kids to feed, and jobs were few and far between these days. Still, Aaron knew he wouldn’t shake this one off as easy as some of the other things he’d had to do, but it was par for the course.

“Yeah, so everybody keeps tellin' me.” Isaac wasn’t stupid enough to reach inside the circle, though Aaron could tell he _wanted_ to-- wanted to just reach out and give their unwilling guest a shove, but he restrained himself. “Do you know what you’re doin' here?”

For the first time since it had popped up in the confines of the circle, the thing spoke to them. “I suppose you’re going to tell me.”

Its voice was posh and mildly irritated, and there was a passive threat of menace there, amplified from when all it had done was stand and stare at them. Studying them, and the room, looking for a way out.

Aaron knew then that if it found one, he’d be stone cold dead.

“You’re right, I am,” Isaac crowed. “See, us? We’re kinda like bounty hunters. Or repo men. Or delivery guys, or whatever. We get paid to find things, acquire them, and then hand 'em over. And we got paid a lot of money to find and acquire _you_.”

The angel sniffed priggishly, as if it were judging them. "And who exactly do you plan to hand me over to, if you don't mind me asking?”

At that moment, Aaron wanted Isaac to shut up. He’d have been happier not speaking to the angel at all, leaving it in the dark. The more it knew, the riskier the situation became. But if it was _him_ trapped in that circle, with no chance of escape, he wouldn’t want to spend his last few hours knowing what was going to happen to him. “Will you just leave it alone?”

Isaac ignored him. “I don’t know what they’re called. Some kind of weirdo Latin thing – like English isn’t good enough for them. But they’re crazy, you know? They worship this fucking god thing with two faces. Showed me a picture of it, told me its name, but to be honest, I didn’t get it. Anyway, turns out the best thing they could ever sacrifice to it is an angel. You, specifically, for some reason. And so, here you are.”

“For now.”

Isaac chuckled. “Listen to it. _'For now.'_ You think you’re gettin' outta there, angel? Go on, clue me in on your _cunning_ escape plan.”

The angel fell silent again.

“Didn’t think so.” Isaac recovered the chair and sat back down. He took out his phone and played some stupid game for a while, and Aaron was glad for it. He wanted them all to just be quiet until the client showed up, so they could get their money and be gone.

While they waited, he started cleaning his spare gun for something to do, and though he never let his guard down, it helped to have something routine and precise to focus on.

“Fuck it,” Isaac snapped suddenly. He threw his phone at the wall, and watched it shatter into pieces.

“What?” Aaron demanded. “No signal?” Or more likely, he’d been beaten at whatever shitty game he was playing.

“I’m bored,” Isaac said. He got up sullenly and waved a finger at the angel. “I bet you don’t know exactly what they’re gonna do to you, huh?”

Aaron sighed. “Isaac, knock it off, man. I mean it, I’m sick of hearin' your voice.”

“Tough shit,” Isaac said. He advanced to the circle again. “See, they told me _allll_ about it. Gotta admit, I kinda feel sorry for you. Apparently they have this thing, this…I don’t know… _collar_ , or something. And it’s gonna make you _manageable_. And once they have it on you, they’re gonna tie you down and let this thing they worship have you.

“Man, at that point it was TMI, you know? They were really big on the details! All I can say is that _angel’s_ on the menu tonight. Cordon _fuckin'_ bleu!”

Aaron watched the angel carefully. He wondered if it’d panic, throw itself against the circle’s invisible boundaries. Do something, _anything_.

There was maybe, briefly, a hint of fear in its eyes, and Aaron almost had to look away. But it was gone just as fast, and replaced by a hard certainty.

“I think it’s only fair if I warn you, old boy,” the angel said.

“Oh?” Isaac looked back at Aaron, grinning so wide his face should have split. Aaron almost wished it would. “Aaron, it’s gonna _warn_ us.”

And now it knew his name. _Fuckin' ace_. He wanted to sock Isaac then, even though it should have made no difference if it knew what he was called or not, not when it was trapped in a circle and likely to be dead by midnight.

“You’re a dumb son of a bitch,” Aaron snapped.

“Shut up, I don’t wanna miss the warning. Come on, angel, spill.”

The angel sniffed again. “If you let me go now, I won’t harm you, and I’ll try to make sure that he doesn't, either.”

Isaac smirked. “Oh? Who's 'he'?”

Aaron stood there, watching as Isaac’s shoulders shook with silent laughter. The angel took his mocking, didn’t seem phased by it. But Aaron kind of wanted to hear what it said, too.

“Who's 'he'?” he asked, and not because – like Isaac – he thought the angel was bullshitting them.

“His name won’t matter,” the angel replied, uninterested.

“Is it _Harvey_ , by any chance?”

While Isaac chortled at his own stupid joke, Aaron returned to the table where he’d left his gun. He wrapped it up in the cloth and shoved it inside his holdall.

The reason, he figured, that the angel wouldn’t give them the name was because it didn’t want them to do anything with its rescuer. It had looked around itself, saw the circle, the sigils – knew they’d summoned it and rendered it powerless – and wasn’t prepared to take the chance that they knew enough magic to use the name against whoever was coming for it.

And someone _was_ ; Aaron could feel it. His grandmother had a little part of the gift, and he knew he did, too. Not enough to make a living at it, but enough to know when things were about to go south real fast.

He was a little surprised to look up and see the angel smiling, like it actually got the reference, but it wasn’t an amused smile. It was _cold_ , like it knew it was talking to two dead men, only they didn’t know it yet.

“I can promise you that if you don’t let me go, he’ll kill you both. He may not do it quickly. An while I _will_ try to heal you if I get out of the circle in time, your souls may have left your bodies by then, and I won’t be able to do anything to save you.”

Aaron closed his bag and shoved it over his shoulder. Isaac heard him and turned to glare.

“What? Where you goin'? Is it off?”

“It is for me,” Aaron said. He put his foot on the steps that led up out of the basement. “If you had any smarts, you’d come with me.”

“ _Unbelievable_ ,” Isaac scoffed. “You’re a fucking _pussy_. You’re buyin' into what it says?”

“Take a look at it,” Aaron snapped. “Does it _look_ like it’s lying? Do you really have _any_ doubt we’ll end up dead if we stay here?”

Isaac turned to the angel once more. “You make him sound like a real badass. I’m not impressed, even if Aaron here apparently dropped his balls somewhere. What is he, another angel?”

“No.” There was a little shift in the angel’s tone, and Aaron wasn’t sure if it was a good thing. “He’s a demon.” 

For a second, Isaac said nothing. Then, he burst out laughing, the sound nasally and irritating. “Oh, wow. _Wow_. That’s a good one, angel.” 

The angel only stared at him, slightly pitiful. 

“You expect us to believe that? A _demon?_ Your _enemy?"_  

“I don’t expect you to believe anything. I’m merely answering your question.”

Isaac smirked. “What are you, his bestie? Drinkin' buddy? Oh, _oh_ , lemme guess: he bangin’ you?” 

Aaron snarled at him. “Dude, shut the fuck up. What’s wrong with you?”

But the angel didn’t respond, which seemed to annoy Isaac more.

“Whatever, you feathered little freak. I’m not getting done outta my pay check by somebody who’s gonna be a bowel movement later.” He swung around to face Aaron. “And you even _think_ about bailin' on me, and I’ll fucking kill you.“

“Really?” Aaron let his hand rest near his knife, still sheathed - but he was fast enough to throw it and take Isaac down before he could ever reach his gun. “What’s wrong, you dick? Scared to be alone with the _gay English professor?_ ”

Isaac started to answer, but was cut off suddenly by the throaty rumble of a car engine. Something heavy, high on horsepower.

Aaron looked up the stairs leading out of the basement, up to the door. One way in, one way out – a shitty arrangement, and he’d tried to tell their paymasters that same damn thing, but apparently their whatever-it-was only liked it below ground.

Now they were going to pay for that.

He drew his gun and moved to the side of the steps, and saw Isaac do the same. He wasn’t so cocky now, Aaron noticed, but like him, Isaac had wised up too damn late.

A moment later, the door opened just wide enough for something metallic to clatter down the steps and then lie spinning on the stone floor.

Before Aaron could yell a warning, it exploded in a burst of light and smoke, and then he couldn’t see, or _breathe_ , for that matter.

As he coughed and reached for his gun, he thought he heard a voice hiss, “ _...fucking America for this bullshit...fucking humansss...can't even have a proper date-_ " 

Aaron moved to aim his gun, but couldn’t find a target, because everything seemed to be cloudy and his vision was a bit blurred, to top it all off. 

And then, something launched itself at him, and for a few moments all he knew was the pain of that _something_ beating seven kinds of shit out of him, while all he could do was _take it._

Not all the groans of pain were coming from him, so he figured Isaac had gotten similar treatment. 

When the relentless blows ceased, and he was aware enough to focus, Aaron heard the distinct snap of fingers, and suddenly found himself lying on his back, hands and feet zip tied, with Isaac likewise restrained a short distance away. 

He heard the light thud of footsteps, and then craned his neck to see that the demon was standing in the circle, keeping himself between the angel and them, which Aaron would have found amusing if he wasn’t sure he and Isaac were about to die. Then, he realised that the unnamed demon was using a knife to work a line through the outside boundary of the circle, and once he was done, Aaron felt the magic flow out of it.

He watched as the demon heaved the angel up, helping it to its feet. Neither of them said anything, but Aaron didn’t miss the nonverbal communication – the way he looked the angel over, the way his hands came to rest on the angel's shoulders, its back. Then, the demon scowled at it, and slapped the angel upside the back of its head.

“Are you kidding me?” the demon snapped, and Aaron saw the angel pout. "I had to wait _three hours_ for you, angel, before I realised something was up. And in _America_ , of all places..."

“I apologise, my dear,” the angel said, in a tone softer than Aaron had heard previously. “I didn't expect to end up here, really.”

Then, the two men(?) turned to face Aaron and Isaac, and Aaron wanted to shrink away. But tied up and helpless, he wasn’t going anywhere.

“ _Look,_ ” he started, but Isaac jumped in before he could finish.

“We’ll get you, you fucker,” the other man snarled. “We’ll find you and we’ll _get_ you and then we’re taking that _thing_ back-“

He shut up when the demon let his dark sunglasses slip, and stared at Isaac with golden, serpentine eyes. “Really? That’s how you think this is gonna work out?” He had a hold of the angel’s arm and was guiding it towards the steps. Aaron could see the angel was none too steady, but the demon was strong (despite his lanky figure), and kept it upright and moving with ease.

“Look,” Aaron tried again. “We were dumb; we know that now. Just let us go, and you’ll never see us again.”

“Oh, I know that,” the demon said, and there was an absolutely terrifying grin on his face. “’Cos after we bail from here, your _bosses_ are gonna show up. And then _their_ boss is gonna show up, and he’ll show up _hungry_. Since the menu’s changed, I guess he’ll just take what I've left for him.”

“I’ve got a family,” Aaron pleaded.

The demon was half way up the steps, angel in his arms; he paused long enough to look back down at him, and Aaron almost shied away, tied up or not.

“Me too,” the demon hissed, quite literally. “And _that’sss_ why you’ve got this coming.”

**Author's Note:**

> feedback makes my day!! tumblr @ jonssims


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